Can't take my eyes off you
by AlwaysTheBridesmaid08100
Summary: Katniss is going to the woods, but finds Madge wanting to take her with her. That was one year ago, and they've grown closer. How does Katniss deal with her unwanted feelings, and Madge when Katniss gets send off to the Games? This is their story. (I'm sorry for the bad summary.)
1. Chapter 1

**A/N **This is my first fanfic, so please be kind! Let me know what you think :)  
**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, all rights belong to Suzanne Collins. THIS IS MY FANTASY.**

* * *

1.

It was a glorious day. The weather was lovely and it was a Saturday, which meant no school.

A sigh of delight escaped my mouth while biting in the soft bread. It was a good trade with the baker, though I had to be there early and it cost me two squirrels. Maybe he felt sorry for me, a 14-year old skinny girl.

I left ¾ on the table for my mother and Prim on the table, frowning at Buttercup before putting my father's leather jacket on. I quickly go outside, seeing as the streets are already crowded with people going to the mines. Their sunken faces smeared with black coal, ready to go a couple feet under ground.. I shiver at the thought.

I always hated the mines, but even more since my father got blown into bits down there.

I'm almost at the meadow when I notice movement behind me. I quickly turn around, expecting to see a peacekeeper or Gale. Instead I look right into the face of the mayor's daughter. Madge.

We rarely speak, and Gale and I often bring strawberry's to her house. But we almost always sit next to each other in class. I am just about to say something, plead myself innocent by saying I was just wandering, but then she asks something I never expected, and without hesitating.

''Can I come with you?'' I look at the blonde and angelic girl in front of me. Is this some kind of sick joke? ''Come? With me? Where?'' I ask dazzled. She sighs and smiles. Though it's a small smile. ''To the woods of course.'' I look at what she's wearing, and she is actually wearing suitable clothes. A good jeans and an old and rough looking blouse. Her blonde hair is hung loose as always. ''Ehm, sure..'' I say awkwardly.

I show her the weak spot under the fence after listening for the non-present hum, and we go into the woods. I look over me shoulder, noticing she is light on her feet, and see she is taking it all in. I smile and lead her to the rock Gale and I always sit at, plucking some berries and tossing it to her. ''What do you think?'' I ask a bit uncertain.

She gives me a wide smile. ''It's beautiful and amazing,'' she says in one breath. ''You're not scared?'' She shakes her head and says; ''I'm with you, so I doubt anything will happen to me.'' I smile too, which makes her look at me with a strange expression I can't place. ''Why don't you smile more?'' she asks with a tone of curiousity. I shrug. ''I almost only smile in the woods.'' She nods and we continue to sit there in a comfortable silence while eating blackberries and even some strawberries.

I lean backwards and investigate Madge her face. She is fairly pretty, with her blonde hair and blue eyes. But.. She isn't like all the other merchant girls, she is different. Stronger, more down to earth. Maybe a bit more like me.

Suddenly she catches my gaze and laughs. ''Why are you staring?'' A sigh escapes my lips and I shrug. ''Trying to figure you out.'' Madge shrugs too and stares into the distance again.  
''There is not much to figure out, Katniss,'' she says quietly.

I want to ask more questions, like what she meant with that, but I leave her and let the silence take over again.

Suddenly, she takes my hand and smiles warmly at me.

''I'm happy you took me here Katniss, it means a lot to me.'' Then the warmth of her soft hand leaves my rough one and I can't help but feel a little stirring inside of me. But I shake it off. Loving means losing, which means getting hurt. Prim is the only one i'll ever love, and that is why I protect her with all I have. Losing her will hurt so much it will make my bones ache and heart bleed. When the sun is fully risen, we decide to go back.

I could've just let her walk behind me, but instead I take her hand and lead her out of the woods.

When we are on the other side of the fence again, she gives me a warm hug. I'm too shocked to hug her back.

Then she lets go, but still holds on to my shoulders. Softly. ''Thanks again Katniss, and.. Maybe we could do this again, and I could teach you some piano in return,'' her eyes had a twinkle in it of pure delight and happiness. It was a soothing sight.

''Sure,'' I say without thinking. She smiles one last time before walking off and leave me standing here for what it seems hours, trying to get what just happened. I shake my head once, before going home. I think about how I didn't hunt.. But then I figure there is still from yesterday. And even though I didn't hunt.. It was wonderful.

This was a year ago.

Now we meet up every month, at least. Of course the sundays will always be free for Gale, just like many other days we have to spend hunting, but the rare days where i'm duty-free are reserved for Madge. And this is one of them.

I quicken my pace while walking to the mayor's house and knock on the door. Madge opens and smiles happy at me.

''Katniss! Come in, I just finished a new piece.'' I knew that by 'new piece' she meant a new song, or melody or something like that on the piano. She has tried to teach me, but i'd much rather listen.

She sits me down on the sit infront of the piano, then she sits next to me and starts to play.

I watch as her slender fingers press the key's, sweeping over them gracefully. The music is breathtaking and beautiful. I look up to her face and smile carefully, because of her expression. She looks very serious, but still in peace.

When she is done, she looks at me with big eyes. ''And? What do you think?'' My smile widens as I reply; ''Beautiful as always, you know that.''

Her cheeks turn a light pink at this compliment. She clears her throat and takes my hands, placing then on the key's. Without saying anything she leading my hands, playing the piece. Her hands are soft and delicate.

When she is done, she looks at me and smiles. ''Did you know that you smile very often when we're together?'' I look at her with my mouth a bit open and a surprised expression. Do I? I never noticed. It just comes.. naturally. In one year Madge and I grew towards each other, and I came to the conclusion I was right. She is more like me than I thought.

''Are you going to hunt with Gale tomorrow?'' the question comes out of nowhere. ''Yes.. Yes I am,'' I answer. She nods and looks down at the keys, playing with them. ''It's your birthday tomorrow,'' she says, looking up at me.

I frown. I forgot my own birthday! Well, there are more important things than birthdays, like making sure we have a proper meal. ''Yes.. What does it matter?'' I ask her. She smiles softly at me and pats my hand. ''Nothing.'' She shifts a bit, and only then I notice how close we are, her body heat radiating through her close. I feel the same stirring in my stomach as I had many times this year, but again I choose to ignore it.

Stupid, stupid, stupid. She begins to play again, and I watch her delicate hands swift over the keys, and I listen. And it is beautiful, as always.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N** Had this one nearly finished so here you go..

* * *

2.

It's still dark when I make my way to the woods to meet Gale. Vick is sick, so Gale has to be home early.

The cool night air is still lingering. When I get to our rockledge, he smiles and gives me a fairly small, but still warm and rich piece of bread. ''Happy birthday Catnip.'' I smile too and inhale the scent of the bread, before tearing off a piece with my teeth.

''How did you get it?'' He shrugs casually and answers; ''Trade a fat squirrel for it.'' I finish the bread. ''We check the snares first?'' I ask, al ready standing up, before he pulls me back down again.

''Katniss.. We need to talk first,'' Gale says, his expression serious. I cautiously sit back, my eyes narrowing. What's wrong? Why is he so serious? He sighs before talking. ''Katniss.. Be honest with me.. What is it between you and Madge?''

I look at him in disbelief. Madge? This is about Madge? What does he mean? ''What do you mean,'' I repeat my thoughts. He rolls his eyes. ''I see the way you two look at each other, Katniss. You're my best friend.''

My insides freeze. The way we look at each other? Whát?! ''Gale, seriously, you're seeing ghosts. Madge and I are just friends!'' I snap at him. Gale frowns and stands up. ''Whatever.''

The silence that follows is more loaded then ever, as we go to check on our snares, and retrieve our bows and sheats with arrows to hunt. When the sun has come through fully, and it's around 12, we have 4 squirrels, 2 turkeys, 15 fish and a fair amount of berries, roots, and of course strawberries.

We go to the Hob and trade one turkey, 11 fish and some of the roots for wool and laces and other stuff. After that we go to the mayor's house backdoor. But instead of Madge opening the door, it's the mayor himself, and I can't help but feel a bit disappointed. We trade the strawberries for money and leave. We share our catches and money, and go home.

When I come home, my mother and Prim are sitting at the table. When they notice me, my mother smiles at me and Prim runs up to me and gives me a big hug. ''Happy birthday!" I hug her back and smile. Then she lets go, and hands me something. It's a goat cheese of proper size with a rough pink ribbon tied arount it. I laugh and take it. ''Thanks Prim,'' I say while putting the cheese under a wooden bowl and empty my bag.

Mother starts on a stew and I plunge down on a chair. ''Katniss, I made a warm bath for you,'' I look up to my mother who is smiling. I stiffly nod at her and go to the tub, and sink in. A few minutes later, when i'm all washed up, and even my hear is clean, I dress into the clothes I wore before and comb my hair, braiding it again.

I'm nearly done when there is a knock on the door. Prim and I look at each other with the same question on our minds. _Who is that?_ Prim goes away to open the door and leaves my sight. When I hear the door close again, I walk up to them.

My mouth hangs open at the sight of the person in front of me. _Madge._ She walks up to me, and only when she stretches her arms out to me I notice what is in her hands. A cake. A white birthday cake with a beautiful icing of leafs on it. My mouth is now hanging completely open. ''Madge.. You really shouldn't have done this..'' I stammer. She puts the cake down and takes my hand for a moment. ''I know, but I still did. You're my friend Katniss. Happy birthday.''

She then proceeds to cut the cake into pieces, and serves it. Prim is ecstatic. We all eat and my mom is asking Madge all kind of things. I don't really pay much attention to anything other than the cake.. or Madge.

How could she be so kind to me? When we all have finished our cake, it's close to 5 and Madge has to leave. After she has said goodbye to my mother and Prim, whom excitedly ask her to come and visit us more often, she asks me to walk her out.

When we're outside, she smiles. ''It was really nice of you to come by, really.. My mother and Prim seem to be really fond of you.'' She nods. ''They are nice. See you tomorrow at school.'' And before she goes she gives me one last birthday present. A kiss on the cheek. Then she quickly walks away, and i'm stunned.

The next day when I wake up, the sun is still nowhere to be seen. Prim is already awake to milk her goat Lady. I quickly get up and get dressed, not bothering to fix my hair. ''Prim, are you coming?'' I call at her. ''You can go Katniss, i'm still busy!'' I shrug and make my way out.

When i'm at school, I take my usual seat and wait for Madge to show up. I'm starting to get worried, but just before class starts she comes in and quickly takes place next to me. ''I overslept,'' she whispers to me. I look at her and see her eyes are a bit puffy. ''Are you okay?'' I ask, a bit confused. She nods and gets her stuff. ''I'm fine Katniss,'' she says with a small voice. I sigh as I figure it's not the time to ask more questions, and the class starts.

Through out the class I keep my eye on Madge, but her face is closed off. At break, we sit together. I look at her, still worried. ''Madge.. What is wrong?'' She looks up to me, with that same closed off expression. She gives me a strange smile. ''It's nothing, Katniss.''  
I frown and continue lunch. The rest of the day is a blur.

When school is out, I drag Madge with me to a quiet corner. ''Madge, look at me, what's wrong?'' She looks up to me when the urgency of my tone hits her. Her pained expression cuts right through me.

''I'm trying so hard Katniss, so damned hard to break through those walls of yours..'' I watch as a tear rolls down her cheek, and inhale a large amount of air. ''But you just won't let me. And I wish you'd just let me in, let me know what you think, let me know your fears..'' Her cheeks are wet now.

I can't take it anymore, so I pull her into a hug. The first hug I ever gave her. First she puts on some resistance, but soon enough she gives in and crashes in my arms. She has a sweet scent lingering around her, and just like her hands her body is lean and delicate.

Then suddenly she pushes me away and runs off, leaving me stunned, once again, not knowing what just happened. Why do such things happen to me? I don't go home, I head straight towards the woods, feeling my heart drop with each step I take.

When I reach the safety of the woods, and climbed into a tree, I drop my head in my hands. I don't get it. I don't get her. ''Katniss?'' a low voice is calling me.

I look down and see Gale standing there, concerned. ''Katniss come down please.'' I sigh and climb down. He pushes me against the tree. ''Don't tell me there is nothing Katniss, I can see there is.'' I look at him with big eyes. ''What do you mean?'' He rolls his eyes and lowers his voice. ''Don't play these games with me Katniss.. Not with me, not with her.'' I push him back and snap. ''I'm not playing games, Gale! You are! You all are! I don't get any of you guys!''

He comes closer again, only an inch away. Then he suddenly plunges his lips on mine, and i'm shocked, frozen. Just when i'm about to push him away, he already steps back and turns around.

I look around him and feel as if someone has just punched me in the gut.

Madge is standing there, mouth open in horror, eyes wide. Then she runs away, and all I can think of is following her, explain it to her, and I don't even know why. It's not like I owe her an apology or something.. But I feel like I do. I know I do. I owe her one for the last year.

But Gale stops me. ''Do you know why I did that, Katniss?'' I look at him, and see the urgency in his eyes. And I do know. He wanted me to see something I was too damn stubborn for to see on my own. I give him a stern nod and he lets me go, and I run away.

I run to Madge.


	3. Chapter 3

3.

''Madge!'' I'm running through the streets, looking for the blonde haired girl.

I stop when I see her, sitting on the ground in the meadow. I went out the other way because I thought she went there.. Stupid. I run up to her and crash on my knees, grabbing her shoulders.

''Madge, Madge! Please, just listen to me okay, just.. please..'' My own voice sounds so hopeless to my own ears, I can barely stand it. She doesn't look up to me. She doesn't acknowledge me at all.

''I.. I'm afraid of being underground, my favourite colour is green, my mother left me and Prim alone when my dad died, and.. and everytime the backdoor at your house opens for the trade, I hope it's you.'' I throw it out in the open. Desperate, oh so desperate. But she still doesn't look up to me.

''And the only reason Gale kissed me, was for me to see what I was so scared to see on my own. Madge.. Madge, I needed to see you,'' I say harshly, holding onto her shoulders firmly. She slowly looks up to me, and her eyes are so sad, hurt.. ''Madge please,'' I mutter. Then out of nowhere she punches me on the arm. Hard.

I rub the sore spot and look at her. ''What was that for?'' She frowns at me. ''You're a dick, Katniss Everdeen! You're an absolute arse for making me want you, need you, and like you, leaving me hanging with my feelings..'' And then she kisses me, on the lips.

And it's lovely, delicious, soft, passionate, perfect.  
And we sit there, foreheads pressed together, hands tangled, in silence. We never needed words. Speaking is overrated. But then I take her hand, and I pull her up, and we embrace eachother. And I lead her to the woods again, where I take her to the lake. My lake. Our lake. And we lay down, heads pressed together. And it's perfect. ''Madge,'' I whisper. ''I'm sorry.'' And we didn't speak again for the rest of the day. We hugged, kissed, without breaking the silence.

The next day there is school again, and it was the best schoolday since forever.

As usual, we didn't speak much, only the neccesary, but there was some hand touching, secret strokes, silent whipsers, little letters. We were enjoying something new called love, something we bnever experienced in this way.

When we're in the hallway, Gale walks past us, but not before he gives me an approving smile and nod. I turn around multiple times, to see Peeta Mellark's eyes fixated on me. Maybe because for once in my life i'm truely happy, and maybe that shows. And maybe he is happy for me too, even though we never spoke. When school is over, I give Madge a long hug goodbye and I walk home.

''Prim?'' I call out. But there is no answer. Not even my mother. ''Prim? Mom?'' I call some louder. Nothing. I search the house, but find it empty. Suddenly the door bursts open, and i'm frozen. Gale runs in, carrying my sister's lifeless body in her arms. My mother is behind him, and quickly get's some of her medicines and herbs of what I don't know the use of. ''Prim!'' Her name comes out as a strangled cry.

Gale lies her down on the table, and then quickly grabs my arms pushing me backwards, away from Prim. ''Let me go,'' I groan. ''Katniss, the fence had electricity on it. Prim bumped into it while trying to get her stupid cat.'' My mouth is hung open in terror. Prim could be dead. Should be dead. Sweet little Prim. ''Gale, please,'' I beg him. Luckily he releases me, because it would've been a matter of time before i'd have kicked him in the nuts. I run to her, and stand at her head, stroking her face and hair. Tears have started to silently make their way down my cheeks, and my chest is tensed. ''Prim, Primrose please.. Please, Prim..'' I beg her. I beg her to stay with me. I beg her not to leave. Not to leave me. Not to leave me. My mother is using CPR or something, and applying something on her burned skin where she touched the fence. I'm starting to panic when her breathing gets weaker, heartbeat fading.. ''PRIM!'' I shout at her, not wanting to lose her. Please god, don't let me lose her.. My hands are shaking, just like my whole body. Gale is sitting on a chair with his head in his hands. We are defeated. We are the hunters, the strong ones, and we are defeated. But then, her heartbeat fastens, and she breaths again, and I know she is saved. I'm saved. I press my lips on her forehead. ''Prim..'' I whisper. Her eyes flutter open for a second, dazed, but close quickly after. My mother sends me away, and i'm there about to faint, about to fall to the ground, but Gale catches me just before everything turns black.

And it is Madge I wake up to. ''Katniss..'' her voice is nothing more than a whisper, but loud enough for me. I pull her down and we hug eachother, and I need her so much. More than ever. ''Is she okay?'' I ask, my voice hoarse. I can feel her nod. ''She is okay Katniss, she is alive. Sleeping, but alive.'' A tear of relief rolld down my cheek, and Madge strokes ita way with her thumb. ''Promise me you'll stay?'' I ask with a small voice, which could've belonged to a 6 year old. She nods and smiles. ''Of course i'll stay, Katniss. Always.'' And she does stay. And i'm so thankful for everything.


	4. Chapter 4

4.

Yesterday was horrible, today is not much better.

The only light I see is Madge. Prim almost slept through the whole day, so i'm surprised if she'll wake up properly today. When I look at my mom's bed where she has been layed down to sleep, I see she is sitting up, petting Buttercup. ''Prim!'' My voice is still a bit hoarse and cracked. She looks up and smile, though her face is even more pale than usual.

I quickly get up and settle next to her, taking her in my arms. ''I was so scared Prim, never scare me like that again!'' I say , pretending to be a bit angry. How could I possibly feel angry when all I feel is relief? ''How are you feeling?'' I ask a bit worried, still. Prim smiles. ''A lot better, but I still have a headache and i'm feeling a bit tired.'' I nod and kiss the top of her head. ''Katniss,'' she says quietly, ''i'm sorry I got into trouble..'' and when she says that she sounds 6 again. ''It's okay Prim, I promise,'' I say, holding her a bit tighter. I give her a last kiss on the head and stand up, changing in some regular clothes. I don't really feel like going to school today, so instead I stay home and help my mother around the house and take care of Prim.

The sun is starting to go down when I sit down, exhausted. ''Katniss, there is someone at the door, can you get it?'' my mother asks. I nod stiffly, feeling a bit weird because I didn't hear the sound, and go answer the door. I smile when I see Madge. ''Katniss, I can't stay long but I wanted you to have this.'' She reaches her hand out, and I see a big, warm and hearty loaf. ''Madge.. You shouldn't have,'' I say startled. She smiles and pushes the bread in my hands, gives me a kiss on the cheek and leaves.

I stand there for a while, before returning inside and putting the bread on the table. My mother smiles at the sight of the bread. ''She is generous,'' she says. I nod. ''She is amazing,'' I sigh. And she really is. I call Prim, and we feast on fish stew and the bread. When we're all close to full, I kiss Prim on the cheek and go upstairs, and go to sleep, exhausted.

Only when i'm asleep, my dreams are haunted with a dying Prim, my dead father, and.. Madge. They are all in the mines, and i'm above them, screaming fort hem to run, to come back to me.. Panic rises in my chest as the minutes tick away and they are still underground, in the mines, beneath the earth, out of my reach. ''Come back! Please, come back! Run! RUN!'' I scream as the mine explodes. And they are all gone, and i'm dead inside. And i'm crashing and crying. And then i'm suddenly at home, and my mother is blank and unreachable again. I scream at her, horrible things, screaming that she has to react.. but she doesn't, she doesn't hear me.. And then i'm in the woods, and Gale is there. Suddenly, all the birds stop singing, except one. And we know what is coming. I can see the redheaded girl getting caught, but I can't see the boy. I look around me, searching for him, when suddenly I notice Gale isn't next to me anymore. I look up to find him hanging under the hovercraft by a spear.

This is the point where I wake up screaming. I find Prim at my side, stroking my hair out of my face. Only then I notice my cheeks are wet, and I am crying. Prim is crying too, and she hugs me, not even bothering asking what's wrong. I had dreams like this more often than i'd like to admit. Prim strokes my hear untill I fall asleep again, humming a song our dad used to sing for us. Together we fall asleep.

The next morning, I wake up to the sound of talking people in the livingroom.

I yawn and get up, looking for Prim, but apparently she is also in the livingroom. I get up, not bothering to fix my hair, face or clothes, and freeze when I see the packed room.

''What are you all doing here?'' I ask. Gale answers. ''Just visiting, and bringing by some game,'' he says nodding to the bag on the table. I look at Madge and she beams happily. ''I shot the squirrel!'' She says excited. Gale smiles proudly. I can't help but feel a strange feeling in my guts. They went out hunting, together, without me. It rubs me the wrong way. ''Oh,'' I say quietly. I excuse myself and go to our bedroom again, dressing myself and braiding my hair down my back, before climbing out the window.

I don't feel like being a part of their happy moment, so I exclude myself and go to the woods. Luckily, it's a beautiful day. I listen for the hum, go under the fence and get my bow and arrows. Hunting should distract me. But it doesn't. All I can think about is Madge being here with Gale. Gale probably holding her while fixing her aim. I feel a rage coming up, so I hide my bow and arrows away again and go to my father's lake.

I undress myself and dive into the cold water. It's refreshing. I swim around for a bit, lazy, going under a couple of times, trying to drown my thoughts. I'm with my back to the side, enjoying the water and how it never fails to make me happy. This is my personal place, filled with happy thoughts of me and my father. ''Can I join you?'' I quickly turn around, sinking into the water so my breasts are underwater. Of course I already recognized the voice, but I still jump a little when I see Madge.

I still feel a bit.. betrayed? Disappointed? I don't know. _Happy place, _I remind myself. I sigh, ''Sure. It's cold though.'' I don't watch her undress, or see her come into the water, instead I stand there with my back turned to her, watching my some fish swim underwater. It is not untill she wraps her arms around me from behind I know she is even in the water. ''Are you mad at me?'' she mutters in my hair. I shake my head and turn around, gasping when I notice she is naked too. I have to fight the urge to cover my body up. She blushes slightly but then grabs me by the waist again and embraces me. For a short moment of time I don't know what to do with my arms or hands, but then I decide to just wrap them around her neck. And so we stand there for a rather long period of time, silently.

''I'm sorry,'' she mumbles. ''Already forgotten,'' I respond weakly. Is it possible for someone to be so imperfectly perfect? Because she _does_ have flaws, and of course there are things about her that aren't as pretty as everything else, but that is what makes her so perfect. So real. And she is mine. And god, does it feel good. I pull back, out of the embrace, and kiss her passionately. Hands in her hair, her hands sliding up and down my back. If I can't tell her how much I need her, love her, adore her, I need to let her feel. Let her know. And when the kiss ends, and I look into her eyes, I know she got the message. And I know that i'm hers. We laugh, and we fall back into the water, and I teach her how to swim properly.. And we kiss more. Yes, this is certainly my happy place.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N **I want to recommend you listen In My Veins by Andrew Belle while reading this :)  
Also; Next chapter will be the Reaping! And from that moment on you'll see  
almost everything from Madge's POV.  
ENJOY

* * *

5.

It's been a few months now, and I've never been more happy.

Well, if you don't count the times when my father was still alive. I'm at Madge's for our usual piano-come-together. I'm currently enjoying her music, feeling more relaxed than ever.. Then she ends the piece and stands up, holding out her hand to me. I take it and we go up to her room, and we both lay down on her bed, still holding hands.

''What is your favorite colour?'' I ask, looking at her from the side. She meets my eyes. ''Lavender. And yours is green,'' she says smiling. I don't hesitate to return that smile. This was honestly the only thing I didn't know. I know she adores orange juice, takes no sugar in her tea, likes to wear her hair down and isn't fond of dresses. She loves to be in the woods with me, could be a good hunter and she is very strong. At night she sleeps with the windows a bit cracked, she chooses winter over summer, and her mother is depressed.

But it doesn't bother her that much anymore, she told me, to be alone so often, because she has me now. But there is just one thing I don't know yet. ''What do you fear?'' I ask quietly. She frowns and moves closer to me, laying her head on against my shoulder. She sighs before answering. An answer I never expected to hear from anyone but Prim.

''My greatest fear is to lose you,'' she mutters softly. I feel my heart rage against my chest and my cheeks turning red. I let her hand go and snake my arm under her head and hold her close to me, stroking her soft blonde her. ''I..'' I don't know what I want to say. Words are something unknown to me right know, let alone pronounce words. And what should I say that I haven't told her already?

''You're a mess, Katniss,'' Madge mumbles against my chest. ''I know,'' I mutter softly and shakily. My dreams have become more regularly, and she knows that. I can feel her smile. ''But you're my mess.'' If my heart could explode, it already would have. I shove her up a bit higher, so we are face to face. I look into her beautiful light blue eyes, which never fail to make me speechless.

It's a beautiful perfect moment, but my brain never fails to ruin these kind of things. The reaping is in two days. My face darkens, and Madge gives me a worried look. ''The reapings,'' I explain. ''It's Prim's first reaping and she is scared to death..'' I take a ragged breath as Madge strokes my face. ''Her name is only in once, Katniss. She is as safe as you could get her,'' she comforts me. I nod, and my worries go back to me and her. ''How many times is your name in?'' she asks softly. ''Twenty.'' I answer numbly. Madge pushes me closer to her and gives me a soft kiss on the nose. ''It won't be you Katniss, I won't let you,'' she says with a vague grin. I nod stiffly. ''Katniss,'' she says, forcing me to look at her. She doesn't finish her sentence though. Instead she kisses me straight on the lips. Softly, passionately, blissfully. If heaven could be described, it would be like her lips. I run my hands over her back, over her body, touching every inch of her, stroking her, caressing her.

She undo's my braid and runs her hand through my hair. We touch, stroke, kiss, lick. We can't get enough of each other. ''You're perfect,'' I manage to bring out between the kisses. She smiles while stroking some hair out of my face. ''You're everything,'' she mumbles before kissing me again.

When we're both done with kissing and pretty exhausted, we just lay there on our sides looking at each other. Or at least, I keep on looking at her perfect face. ''What?'' she asks laughing, blushing slightly. I smile too. ''Nothing. You're just.. I just can't take my eyes off of you,'' I admit. She grins and blushes even more.

Suddenly I notice it is getting dark outside. I quickly sit op and fix my drab school clothes. ''I need to go home,'' I say a bit sad. She sits up too and nods. She gives me a kiss on the cheek and in ten minutes I'm home. Dinner is already cooked, and Prim and my mother are waiting for me. I quickly join them and we begin to eat. ''How was it at Madge's?'' Prim asks. I can't help but smile. ''It was nice.'' Prim smiles too and continues to eat.

Later that night, I'm in bed with Prim, who is shaking. ''Katniss, I'm scared,'' she says with a little voice. I quickly hold her in my arms and kiss the top of her head. ''It's going to be okay Prim, they won't take you, I won't let them,'' I say, noticing I'm almost exactly copying Madge's words, which makes me feel a little _pang_ in my chest. Prim sighs shakily. ''Promise?'' she asks. ''Promise,'' I reply numbly, knowing there is nothing I can do against the reaping. I'm powerless against them.

Prim quickly falls asleep, but I'm left alone with my thoughts. About Madge, and Prim. How I would do anything in my right mind to safe them. Madge. Wonderful Madge.. And so she is the last thought on my mind when I drift off to sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N**  
Reaping time!  
This is from Madge's POV  
I recommend you listen to Goodbye my Lover - James Blunt at the reapings :)

* * *

6.

I wake up early, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. It's still a bit dark outside, so I stay in bed, thinking.

Reaping day. It is reaping day. I groan and cover my face with my hands. No. This couldn't be. How can I function normally, knowing Katniss her name is twenty times in? That she is most likely to be reaped? I shiver and bite on my tongue. I won't allow these thoughts in my head. I won't. She won't be picked, what are the odds? No, maybe I'll be picked. But for the first time in 5 years, I don't care about myself on reaping day. I can only think of Katniss and Prim. Because I'm absolutely 100% positive Katniss won't let Prim go into the Arena.

My head starts to ache, so I massage my temples. Katniss. After two hours of lying in bed, I get up and go to the shower. The water comes out pretty soft and it isn't exactly warm, but it's good enough for me. When I'm done and go into my room again, a plaid white dress and a pink ribbon are laid out for me. Reaping clothes. Reluctantly I dress myself in it, tying my hair up with the pink ribbon. I look into the mirror and frown. I wouldn't wear this, ever, in my right mind on a normal day.

I go upstairs, and knock on my mother's door. ''Mom?'' I mumble, pushing the door open. ''Close the door,'' she replies with a hoarse voice.

She is in pain again, of course. ''The reaping is today,'' I say quietly. No answer. I take a sit on the bed, and rub her arm. She is laying with her back to me. ''Good luck, sweetheart,'' she says with a little voice. ''Thanks,'' I mutter almost inaudible. I sigh before standing up and walking out the door, not bothering to look back one more time.

When I enter the dining room, some bread already has been stalled out for me. I butter it with jam and take tiny bites. My father is nowhere to be seen, probably taking care of some business before the reaping starts. I can't help but feel a but hollow and sick. It really would've helped if at least he was here with me. If I wasn't alone. Of course my mother is home, but she could've been gone too. It's not that she comes out of bed much.

I just finished my bread when I hear a knock on the backdoor. I quickly get up and open the door, smiling. It's Katniss with Gale. She hands me the strawberries, and I hand her the money. ''Nice pin,'' Gale says. I look down at the golden Mockingjay pin, which belonged to my aunt. ''Thank you,'' I reply politely. I give Katniss a quick peck and the check and hold her hand for a moment. ''Good luck, Katniss,'' I say. She nods. ''You too,'' and then they're off again. I sigh, and go back inside. I sit down at the piano and play Katniss' favorite piece.

After another hour My father comes in and hugs me. ''Good luck darling, I love you,'' he mumbles in my hair. I nod and smile at him. ''I love you too, dad.'' I'm doubting what I'm about to ask, but ask it anyway, already knowing the answer. ''Is mom coming?'' He shakes his head sadly. ''She is having headaches again sweetheart. I'm sure she would want to be there,'' he says soothing. I'll have to believe him on his word. Dad leaves, and I'm left alone for another half hour.

And then it's time to go to the square. I stand there in the lined area, shaking, looking for Katniss. I spot her pretty far away, and don't bother to go to her. I'll meet her afterwards. That is what I keep telling myself. What I would've given to hold her hand and have her next to me right now.. I don't pay much attention, until the names are getting picked. You could hear a pin drop. I hold my breath, hoping it's not Katniss. It's not. It's Prim.

I inhale sharply, eyes wide in terror, knowing what will happen. Knowing what she'll do. I clench my teeth when the unthinkable happens. She steps forward in complete panic. ''I volunteer! I volunteer as tribute!'' The words echo in my head, when I watch her mount the stage, seeing Prim thrashing in Gale's arms. A pain in my chest grows, and I whisper an almost inaudible ''Katniss, no.'' She is holding back the tears, just like me. Just like Gale. I'm shaking and I feel like someone just punched me in the heart.

Then suddenly everybody touches their middle three middle fingers with their lips and hold them up. Me too. And then they pick the boy. It's Peeta Mellark. I don't really know him, so I don't really care. And, too soon, it's time for our goodbyes.

I go in after Peeta's father, holding my Mockingjay pin stiffly in my hand. I straighten my posture, not allowing myself to even dare to cry. I need to be strong for Katniss. When I come in, she launches herself in my arms, and I don't hesitate to press her close to me, as close as possible. ''You're going to win, Katniss. You're coming back for me, and Prim, and Gale,'' I say steady. I can feel her nod. ''I'll try,'' she mutters. ''You're not going to try, you're going to do it! You're going to make it happen! Okay Katniss? You promise me?'' I ask her, cursing myself for my voice going up at the end of my sentence. She nods again, more sternly. I quickly fix my pin on her dress. ''You will wear this as your token, okay? You promise me you will wear it Katniss?''  
''Yes,'' she answers surprised.

I press a kiss on her lips and we stand there, head to head for the last minute. Everything has been said before, and besides; we never talked much anyway. I can feel my heart slowly shatter when I look in her eyes and see how lost she seems, how close to crying. And then it's time. As I get escorted out, I shout; ''I love you Katniss, I do!'' And I will never hear her say it back to me. And it hurts so much.

As I walk out, I feel like I've just lost a part of me. The emptiness and the hollowness are almost unbearable. And I know these few weeks will be pure torture. I just make it outside when the tears start falling and when the sobs begin to come. I'm completely lost, not caring where I am I sink down a wall and sit there. I see Gale pass me and know she is gone. I never cried so much, and never felt so hopeless. I cover my mouth with my shaking hand, realizing my worst fear has just became true. I lost her. I lost Katniss.


	7. Chapter 7

7.

The days go by slowly, anticipating the Games.

Katniss is probably working her butt off right know, I think. My fingers freeze in place above the keys, suddenly forgetting how to continue. I slam multiple keys in frustration, resulting in an angry screaming mother. I storm outside, and walk. Just walk. I've been walking so much the last couple of days, I've seen more of District 12 than I had seen my whole life. What grieve does to you.

Well, of course it isn't real grieve, but it could be. I have felt lost, been in denial, and been angry. Aren't those the stages of grieve? But right now, I'm frustrated again. And lost, so lost. I frown while roaming my thoughts. She can win, Katniss can definitely win. She is a first-class hunter, and a real survivor. _If it wasn't for the careers,_ I think. Tonight are the interviews, and I can't wait to see Katniss. Though on the other hand I really don't want to.. I sigh and look where I am; The Meadow. Of course. How often I've been here already.. And in the woods, of course.

Gale even had to save me a couple of times from some wild dogs. Though at that point I didn't really care if they ate me or not. I'm about to turn back around when I bump into Gale. We both exchange awkward looks. ''How're you holding?'' He says with a deep voice. I shrug casually, erasing any visible feelings of my face. ''Perfect,'' I say coldly. He frowns and bumps past me, muttering ''Whatever.'' A huff of air escapes my mouth and I walk. Again. I decide to visit the bakery, finding Peeta Mellark's father as I did. We smiled kindly at each other. I could tell he was grieving too. ''Can I have one hearty loaf, with raisins and nuts? The biggest you have?'' The man nodded and got the bread, wrapping it in paper. We exchanged with my money. ''Good luck,'' I mumble before turning around again. ''You too,'' he says back. I smile softly and like that I'm outside again.

The sun has broken through the clouds, and I let my face sunbathe in it for a moment, feeling the warmth getting absorbed by my cold and tired skin. After I have allowed myself those few minutes, I quickly make my way to Katniss' house.

I can feel my stomach tighten when I near her house, and feel like throwing up when I'm knocking on her door. Prim opens the door, she looks pale but healthy. I hand her the bread and give her a kiss on top of her head, about to walk away, when she grabs my wrist. ''Stay, just for a while, please?'' she asks me, with begging eyes. I nod. ''Sure,'' I say quietly.

She leads me in and we sit down at the table. ''How are you doing?'' I ask her. She shrugs and looks down at the table. ''Okay. And you?'' she looks up at me again. I give her a very pathetic smile. ''Doing fine,'' I answer unconvincing. She looks at me with a worried look. ''Don't you think she's going to make it?'' she asks. I quickly shake my head. ''Of course I think she is going to make! Well, I hope so,'' I say. She nods and looks down again. ''She'll.. She will be fine Prim,'' I try to convince. Though I think I'm mostly trying to convince myself.

''Are you going to watch the interview tonight?'' she asks me, looking at me with big blue eyes. ''Of course,'' I say smiling. ''Wouldn't want to miss the beautiful dress she'll probably wear,'' I say poking Prim in her shoulder. She gives a little laugh. ''Will she wear flames again you think?'' she asks me curiously. I frown slightly. ''Maybe, would be amazing, wouldn't it?'' Prim nods. ''She looked very pretty,'' she says smiling. I nod and smile too, though a bit weary. ''Very pretty indeed Prim. More like beautiful and stunning, don't you think?'' Prim nods firmly. I smile a little more as I think back of Katniss and her flaming entrence. I look at the little clock on the wall and see it's almost interview time.

''Prim, I need to go. I'll visit you soon, okay?'' I say. Prim nods and lets me out.

When I'm home, I join my father in the living room to watch the interviews. The screen goes on and the anthem plays. When that's over, it's interview time. I sit there, scratching my hands in anticipation. I don't pay attention to all the other tributes at all.. And then it's Katniss her turn. She comes up in an amazing dress, and she looks beautiful, oh so beautiful, and so absolutely nothing like herself. I watch her interview, and she looks absolutely nervous. But charming. When she twirls, I smile a bit. And just like that, the interview is over.

I sigh relieved. She survived. And then it's Peeta's turn. I watch him, though not really paying attention. When suddenly he tells whole Panem he is in love with Katniss, my heart drops. And when they show Katniss her reaction where she looks like an in-love girl, my doesn't just drop, it crashes down with the speed of one of those Capitol trains. Suddenly, I don't know how to breathe anymore and find myself gasping for air.

My father gets up and kneels in front of me, holding my, I notice, bleeding hands. Apparently I scratched them open. ''Madge, sweetheart, _breathe,_'' he says worried. I try, I really try, but I'm hyperventilating and I notice I'm getting light headed. Dad quickly fixes a paper bag and tells me to breathe into it. And as I do, he is still holding my hands, muttering ''Madge, darling, sweetheart, breathe.'' When I'm calmed down I throw the bag away and crash down, crying, in my father's arms, absolutely exhausted. When I'm done crying, he lifts me up in his arms and carries me to my bed and he puts me in. ''Goodnight, I love you,'' he says while kissing my forehead. I nod and close my eyes, entering a world where Katniss is still here, and is still mine.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N**_ I'm sorry it took so long to update,  
But I had a severe case of writersblock on this fic, which caused me to__go crazy on my other one! I promise more frequent updates!_

8.

It's the first day of the Games, and I'm holding my father's hand while sitting in front of the television, tensed. We are counting the 60 seconds down, and I'm holding my breath, not daring to blink, afraid I'll miss her. I'll miss Katniss. I can spot her easily and have my eyes fixated on her. 10.. 9.. My father's hand must be numb by now, 7.. 5.. I'm clenching my teeth and scratching the insides of my other hand, 3.. 2.. 1.. And the zoom goes.

I gasp as she launches herself forward to an orange backpack and squeal when she almost gets hit by the knife of Districts 2 girl. She runs away in to the woods and I exhale and inhale. She is safe. She is away from the bloodbath. ''Madge, my hand,'' my father reminds me.  
I quickly let go and excuse myself, before running off.

I roam the streets, and go looking for Gale. But he is nowhere to be found. I decide there is only on place he can be. I enter the woods through the weak spot in the fence, and walk to the place Katniss told me she always met Gale. I feel scared, with no one by my side to protect me, and jump every time I hear a howl. When I finally reach the rock ledge, I see I was right. He sits there with his back turned to me. Without saying a word I sit down next to him. ''Is she..?'' he asks, not looking at me. ''She is alive,'' I respond, neither looking away. I see him nod out of the corner of my eye. ''Of course she is,'' he mumbles.

''Do you think she can win this?'' I ask him. ''Absolutely,'' he says without hesitation.  
I sigh and clasp my hands together, trembling. ''I'm scared,'' I admit quietly. His head drops down. ''Me too.''  
And so we sit like this, for another hour, until I can't fight it anymore. I need to know how Katniss is doing. I quickly make my way out, entering the square where we can watch on a giant screen.

When they focus on Katniss, I notice something is wrong. She is desperately looking for something. Water. ''No..'' I whisper. She can't die from dehydration. She has to find that water. I mutter in desperation, small encouraging words, even though those words will never reach her. Maybe she won't even be able to hear my voice ever again if she doesn't find that water.

I stay there, in the square, watching her every move, scratching my arms and hands to bleed. Suddenly someone lays its hand on my shoulder. I jerk around to see who it is. I look right into Gale's face. ''It's nearly 9, you should go home,'' he tells me. I shake my head, but he doesn't even let me say why I don't want to go home. Instead he picks me up and carries me to my house. We say goodbye and I run upstairs, not bothering to undress or wash myself. Shivering I step in bed, hoping sleep will come soon.  
And it does. Only not the way I wanted it to.

My dreams are haunted and horrible. I find myself wandering around in the forest, holding Katniss her bow and arrows. I look at it questioningly, when suddenly Peeta comes crashing through the bushes, spear in hand. I position an arrow and let it go, but in mid-air it bursts into flames. It is just about to hit Peeta when Katniss suddenly jumps in front of him. I inhale sharply as the flames engulf Katniss. ''NO!'' I yell at her screaming and ashening body.  
She.. she just sacrificed herself for Peeta. This can't be happening. Peeta steps over her blackened body and stands before me, just an inch away, whispering; ''The girl on fire doesn't love you, Madge. She loves me. Katniss would never choose beauty over life,'' and then he impales me with his spear, only it doesn't hurt like I expected it to do. No. It starts burning, and when I look down I see it's not blood seeping out, reddening my white dress. I notice it's the same white dress as on the reaping. No, flames are engulfing me from the inside, eating me. I cry, scream, watching myself burn to death. When I lay down on the ground, silently sobbing as life seeps out of me, I see I'm staring in Katniss her dead eyes.  
''He is right,'' she speaks to me in a clear voice.

I wake up in a pool of sweat, though I don't know if my cheeks are wet from tears or sweat. I look outside and see I actually slept through the whole night. I dress myself, slowly, when I look at my scratching wounds. They look ugly. But on the other hand, I also feel ugly. When I go outside, the screen is already on. When I see Katniss finally found water, I want to feel happy and glad, but all I feel is the burning sensation my dream left. The girl on fire left her mark.

I turn around and go to the meadow, plunging down on the soft grass. I pull some daisies from the ground and start to make daisy chain, as my mother once taught me. An hour later she was back in bed, knocked out by morph-ling. I think back to the dream, about what Peeta said. _''Katniss would never choose beauty over life''_. And I know what he means. My pin is the beauty, his bread is life. He probably is right, because that is just how Katniss her mind works.  
When I've finished it, I decide to make another few, when I get an idea. I quickly collect Prim and take her to the meadow. I know this was a good idea, because her wary look slowly comes off as we start working on our daisy chans.  
''She's still alive,'' Prim suddenly says softly. I nod and give her a reassuring smile. ''Of course she is,'' I say. Prim now smiles too, if only it is a little. But it's okay. If only I get Prim to smile, to live, Katniss her fire in life, I feel happy about it. I know how much Katniss cares about her, and if I get Prim to live, maybe if Katniss survives the Arena, she'll get to live too, and not end up like Haymitch. Even if I don't get to be a part of that life.


	9. Chapter 9

9.

The next week is a torture. I go to school, but as soon as I off I go and watch Katniss.  
After a few days, Gale started to join me and even take me with him to the hob where Greasy Sae started a collection for Katniss to sponsor her.  
In the blink of an eye I already stuffed the jar with all the money I carried. Gale and I became a bit more like.. friends.  
He started collecting me when he was off to watch Katniss, except when he was hunting. And he hunts a lot.

I have to watch Katniss suffer, see Peeta being in love with Katniss, Katniss nearly dying.  
We're at the hob, and Gale is stiffly holding my hand.  
After he noticed I was tearing my own skin apart out of stress he decided he would start holding them so I wouldn't.  
Three days ago Claudius Templesmith announced that two could win if from the same district.  
Katniss of course immediately started looking for Peeta, and no one would think she'd done otherwise.

Today is the Feast. My nails dig in Gale's palms as Katniss receives the backpack, but immediately gets slashed in the forehead by a knife.  
I gasp as they struggle. I feel Gale stiffen next to me. His muscles tense, just like mine. Then, a miracle happens.  
The boy from 11 saves her, for that little girl, Rue. "She's alive, Gale,'' I whisper as she gets back to the cave where a dying Peeta awaits here.  
They say jealousy brings out the worst in people. And my thoughts in that moment prove that.  
Because for a moment, I wish Katniss weren't able to go and get that medicine.  
That Peeta maybe have died in the mere hours she went away. I disgust myself, but I hate Katniss for it. She blacks out, but because it was a rerun from what happened this morning, we quickly cut back to now. To when Katniss wakes up. And moments later they kiss. I crush Gale's hand, reminding myself it is not real. Not real. But when they pull away, I can see that look in Katniss her eyes. That she used to give _me._

I inhale sharply and let go of Gale's hand. He is too surprised to stop me, making a run for it. Tears are running down my cheeks as I run as hard as I can.  
I don't care where I'm going, as long as it is far away from today as possible. I reach the fence, and I go under it, my skirt tearing.  
I don't have weapons, don't even have the proper clothes on. But that would be the last thing on my mind. I reach the heart of the forest, out of bread, sobbing, when I hear them nearing me. A pack of wild dogs. I look for an easy tree and climb it as quickly as possible, sometimes almost falling down.  
When I reach a good branch I sit on it and rest my head against the tree, where the sobs grow more violently.  
It feels like my heart is falling apart. Literally. I never knew this was possible, to feel the actual ache of the heart. But it is. I'm feeling it right now.  
I hug myself as I try to keep myself together. She kissed him. And it was not a played kiss like the one before. It was a real kiss. It was _my_ kiss.

I've just calmed down, playing with my ragged skirt, when the dogs go silent. I look down and half of them are dead, half of them are gone. ''Madge?'' I look down and look straight in Gale's seam eyes. ''Hey Gale, don't mind me, carry on,'' I say, smiling weakly.  
He frowns and puts his bow away. ''Madge, come down,'' he orders. I shake my head and look at my fiddling hands. ''Let me just stay here, Gale,'' I whisper.  
''Look, I know how you're feeling. I used to feel that everytime I saw her with you. I.. I still sometimes do,'' he admits.  
I look down at him, surprised. ''But Katniss loves you, it's all an act!'' he says, trying to convince me. ''No. The way she looked at him.. You wouldn't understand,'' I say softly. Gale lets his head hang down and walks away, leaving me alone.  
The hours pass as I stare into nothing, numb.

The sun is going down, and I just decided to stay here, when Gale suddenly appears again.  
He's holding a thermos flask. ''Can you come down?'' he asks. I shrug and climb down.  
He takes me to the rock ledge of him and Katniss and hands me the thermos flask. ''It's filled with tea, went to your dad to get it,'' he explains.  
I nod and start taking little sips of the warm liquid, which starts warming me immediately. My tensed muscles relax a bit. ''Why are you being this nice to me?'' I mumble, holding the flask with both my hands. He shrugs and breaks a twig. ''Katniss cares about you,'' he mutters back.  
I drop my head and look at the little flowers at my feet. ''I doubt it,'' I reply softly.  
Gale glares angry at me. ''Madge, cut it off, stop being such a whine baby. Seriously.. It isn't real, she loves you!'' This rubs me in the wrong way so I throw the flask down, which was still open so the tea starts leaking out, and jump up. ''She doesn't, Gale!'' I yell at him, cursing myself right away, not needing his accusing look. ''Don't yell,'' he hissed. I pick up the flask and put it next to him on the rock.  
I am already walking away when I quickly turn around again, push the flask over again, spilling the tea on his lap which makes him curse, and I calmly walk away. I break every twig that is breakable, and when I come to the fence, I shoot under it and run home. Nobody stops me when I go directly to my room and slip into sleep's restless arms.

The next few days I try to stay away from watching the Games as much as possible. Until they get out of the cave. And together with 2 they are the only ones left. I remember watching it alone. Seeing how they actually can survive. But life is ruthless, and I do not dare to dream of her coming back yet. My dreams are haunted with Katniss and Peeta. When I wake up, I have forgotten them. A biting feeling in my guts and wet cheeks are all that's left.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: ****_Liar by Mumford and Sons_**

10.

The finale. We're watching it, and everybody is tensed. I'm holding on to Gale's hand as we watch. At first, I wanted to turn it down, since we both were still mad at each other. But he wouldn't have it and he practically forced his hand in mine, with the words; ''You're not the only one who is feeling betrayed.'' Everybody is holding their breath, as Katniss and Peeta are at the lake, waiting for something to happen.

We can see the boy from 2 getting chased by mutts, and I wish I could tell Katniss to run for safety now. Look up a tree. The boy, Cato I believe, comes crashing through the trees. They all run to the Cornucopia, but Peeta is low because of his leg and gets bitten again. I grit my teeth and stop the circulation of Gale's blood in his hands when they climb the Cornucopia. It takes a few minutes, a few heart wrecking minutes, before it really begins.

The fight begins. I often feel like burying my face in Gale's chest, to block it all out. Maybe even run away. But I can't. I'm stuck here. As much as I want to, I can't move. It's like I'm frozen in place, forced to watch. When he is holding her, I feel like panicking, and I'm almost certain she is going to die, when Peeta saves her. Cato gets him in a headlock. And Katniss is torn. ''Oh no,'' I whisper.

I look up to Gale, and see he is frowning his familiar looks so tensed. So unbelievably tensed.  
The seconds go by, and we wait for Katniss to make her decision. Only it feels like hours. Then, she shoots Cato in the hand and Peeta pushes him off the Cornucopia. I gasp and clench Gale's hand. They did it. They won..

Not yet, though. No cannon sounds. Cato is wearing something protective, so it will take a long time. Night goes by there, when it's only 9 pm here, when Katniss receives her last arrow from Peeta's tourniquet, and shoots it, out of mercy. They climb off the Cornucopia, and they go to the lake, Peeta unbelievably pale, and probably close to death. I wonder why they haven't announced the winners yet.

I look up to Gale, and he looks back, the same questioning look on his face. And then they do it. They announce only one can live. And I feel so bad, that I wished Peeta dead. Because now he will die. And we wait, and we see Katniss raise her bow. But she won't do it. And Peeta threatens with suicide.

And this is when she takes out the berries, and I can see my world crumble.

So this is it. This is Katniss Everdeen, the girl I loved, the girl I would've risked anything for.  
I would've died for her. And now, she is going to do the exact thing for someone else.  
I have felt pain. Many times. But not like this. This goes way deeper than pain.

Just when the berries have passed their lips, and I'm on the edge of breaking down, they announce they have won. But, while everybody around me is cheering, I can't help but keep on staring at the screen, feeling too numb to move, talk, live.  
''They won!'' Gale says, smiling somewhat. I nod and give an unconvincing smile. I should be happy. I should be celebrating. I should be crying of happiness. But I don't. Instead, I cry of heart break. I quickly run to my house, not planning on coming out for the next couple of days. And I'm not going to watch the interviews. I refuse.

Just like I refuse to eat, move, and I even barely manage to breathe.  
Dad comes in, concerned several times, but then gives up. I'm unmoving. Even Gale visits me. We only exchange so many words, and he doesn't mention the interviews, which I'm very thankful for.

A week goes by. And then they're here. And I don't want them to. I don't think I can handle seeing them holding hands right in front of me. So I don't. My father gets mad at me, Gale gets mad at me, and Prim just gives me looks of sympathy.

I stay in bed, just like I did the week before. Watching a spider move slowly on my ceiling. Gale crashes through my door, and I sit up, shocked. ''You're coming, now,'' Gale says with gritted teeth. I shake my head, and when he reaches for my arm, I kick him in his private area. ''I told you no, Gale. I'm not coming. I'm not. I.. I can't,'' I tell him. ''She was looking for you,'' he says, bending over from the pain. I shake my head and lay down again. ''Just go,'' I say, barely audible. I close my eyes, and a single tear rolls down my cheek, just after I hear him leave. More tears follow, though.

(Katniss p.o.v)  
My eyes fly through the crowd, looking for a particular blonde girl. But no matter how hard I look, I can't find her. I wait until the cameras are all gone, so I can go to her house. I knock on the door and find it still open. I softly come in, but I find the house empty.

I walk up the stairs, and go directly to Madge her room. But just before I'm about to open her door, I stop. A nervous feeling settles in my gut. I take a deep breath and open the door with shaking hands. Madge quickly sits up, and her eyes widen at the sight of me. I smile and softly say; ''surprise.'' I walk up to her bed and sit on the edge of it. I'm too blinded by the happiness of seeing her again, that I don't notice the signs.

The vacant and distant, but mostly, accusing look in her eyes, her hollow cheeks, her arms that are too thin. Her still wet cheeks. I pull her in a hug, but stop when I notice how stiff she feels in my arms.

''Madge..?'' I mutter as I pull away. Her chin is quivering. ''What's wrong?'' I ask, dumb founded, my throat thick.

Why is she doing this? ''How dare you,'' she whispers with a hoarse voice. ''How dare you walk in on me like this, obliviously, like nothing happened?'' I look at her with wide eyes, as the pieces are coming together. ''I watched you nearly die, Katniss! I watched.. I watched you fall in love!'' she spits. I'm taken back by this. How could I, indeed, be so oblivious? I can feel the tears welling up behind my eyes. ''It wasn't real, Madge-'' I try to get a hold on her hand but she won't let me. Her eyes are unforgiving, and are reflecting so much pain.

My heart starts to hurt too now, and one tears manages to make its way out. ''Liar,'' she hisses. ''I have eyes, Katniss. I saw how you looked at him.'' I try to talk myself out of it, try to get a hold of her, and I'm seriously crying now. ''Madge..'' I beg, tears spilling from my eyes. ''Go away!'' she yells at me. ''I loved you Katniss! I loved you with everything in me, and the worst thing is, I still do!'' she yells with a cracking voice. I'm sobbing and I can't find the words. They all seem so meaningless, compared to hers.

So I stand up, and walk away. In the doorframe I turn around, and look at the mess that was my girlfriend. ''I do love you Madge,'' I mumble softly. She looks up at me, and she looks so accusing at me. I managed to hurt her even more than I already did. Just before I close the door, I can hear her mutter one last word.

_''Liar.''_


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N _Another Love - Tom Odell_**

11.

The days go by slowly, and all I do is.. well.. nothing. Now I don't have to go to school anymore, and our stomachs never empty, there is not much to do for me. Though I do occasionally go hunting to clear my mind. Gale has somewhat forgiven me, and we began hunting together again. Prim was as joyful as she possible could be to have me back. Peeta and I are not really on speaking terms, but we act friendly to each other. Prim told me our mother took good care of her when I was gone. And Madge.. Madge is still mad at me.

There are days I get mad at her too. I mean, I did it to survive! For her! But then, I look at it from her perspective, and I perfectly understand why she's angry at me. I quickly go outside, planning on maybe visit the Hob, walk around the square, buy something for Prim. When I enter the square, I freeze in place. I see a too familiar blonde girl just coming out of the bakery. My heart starts racing while I try to think of something to do.

Walk up to her? Ignore her? I decide to go up to her, since she won't hit me in a public place. Or so I hope. My heart is beating faster with every step I take. I tap her shoulder and she slowly turns around. When her eyes lock on me, I can see a wall going up. I can see she is putting up a mask. ''Have a walk with me?'' I ask. She shrugs and I take her to the meadow.

''What is it,'' she asks me sighing. I take a deep breath before talking. ''I'm.. I'm sorry, Madge. I really am. But you need to know the truth from my side, please promise me you'll listen,'' I beg her. She looks at me, quite unconvinced, but then nods, as a sign that I can continue. ''Peeta's love confessions.. I didn't know about them, I was just as stunned as you were. It was all a trick, made up by Haymitch to get us both out, alive. And.. And yes, during the Games, there were moments that I wasn't sure if he was acting or not. Not sure about my own feelings..''

I can see the pain flicker in her eyes, and notice that she is slipping away from me. I can't let that happen. ''But I thought of you, Madge. All the time. It was always you.'' My grey eyes find her blue ones. She still looks uncertain. I decide to risk it and grab her hand, which feels stiff between mines. ''Madge, I can't promise you everything anymore. I can't. I don't know what will happen now, but Snow is mad at me for showing him off with those berries. I will have to act as if Peeta is my boyfriend, as if he is my _life_. But he will never weigh you out, Madge. If I could, I would've given you the world. I would've given you my all. But I can't, and I'm so, so sorry.''

She looks down for a moment, and I can feel pressure behind my eyes. Did I really lose her now?

I expect her to pull away from me, walk out of my life. But instead she pulls me towards her and embraces me. I hold her tightly against me, as if I'm afraid she'll run away any second now. She doesn't say anything. But wasn't that what bonded us? We don't need words. Our silence says enough.

I finally get to smell her delicious scent again, and god does she feel good. Though I had countless hugs with Peeta, non can compare to this. This hug, that speaks millions of words at the same time. _I'm sorry. I missed you. I need you. I love you._

When we let go of each other, I take her hand and take her to the square. I buy some sweets, and together we sit on a bench in the sun, eating little mints. ''Shouldn't you be in school?'' I ask. She shrugs and pops another mint in her mouth. ''Didn't feel like it,'' she answers. I put the bag of mints away and take her hand, kissing it softly. She smiles and looks down again.

She does that a lot. Looking down. Maybe so I can't see her emotions. I take her chin and softly push her head up so we're looking at each other. Her skin feels like satin. They made me look beautiful at the Capitol with millions of creams and brushes and make up.

Madge doesn't need any of this. She already looks like an angel.  
''What are you thinking about?'' she asks me. ''Nothing,'' I reply with a tiny smile.

We sit there, the whole afternoon, enjoying the sun. When it starts to cool down, we know we both need to go home. I walk her to her house, holding her hand as we do.

''See you again sometime?'' I ask carefully. She smiles and nods. ''Of course.'' And then, she kisses me. And I feel like I'm in heaven. I have gone too long without her soft, pink lips, which perfectly fit mine. I missed how she tastes, even almost forgot.

Right now, she mostly tastes of mint. It's amazingly refreshing. I cup her face with my hands and she put hers on my back. This hug. This kiss. They both tell me something very important.

No matter what happens, it will always be Madge. Always. No matter how hard it may get.


	12. Chapter 12

12.

The sun is forcing its way in to my room, so I decide it must be time for me to get up.

In a week many things can change. Like me and Madge. It took some time, some pushing, and a lot of begging and apologizing.. But she finally forgave me, and now, things are how they're supposed to be. Or.. how it is possible right now to be.

I step in the shower and turn the water on. Sighing I close my eyes, enjoying the welcome warmth on my skin.  
When I'm dressed in some simple clothes, I go down stairs where Primrose is waiting for me.

''Hey Katniss,'' she greets me smiling. I kiss the top of her head and sit down beside her. ''How are you, Prim?'' I ask, realizing how little time I have spent with my little sister since I got back. She shrugs. ''I'm good, much better now you're back. How are things with Madge going?'' she asks cautiously. I look down at my hands and smile a little. ''It's going better each day,'' I say.

Prim looks at me with a strange expression. ''What?'' I ask. She fumbles with her shirt. ''Katniss.. Do you.. Do you know how Madge was doing during your Games? Truly?'' she asks softly. I shrug and look at my hands too. ''Yeah, she was hurt, I knew that, she got really mad at me,'' I answer.

Prim looks up at me, capturing my eyes. ''She wasn't just _hurt_ Katniss, you should've seen her. I never saw someone keeping it together like she did. But she broke. Twice, I believe. It was awful,'' she says shrugging her head.

I'm taken back by this new information.

''But.. What about _me_ Prim? I didn't ask for any of this! I saw children die, I still have nightmares…'' Prim takes my hand and looks at me with a sad expression. ''Then be there for each other,'' she says. I nod and stand up, giving Prim her hand back. ''I'll start right now,'' I say, walking quickly to the door. ''It's only 8 am!'' Prim exclaims. I smile and shrug before leaving the house.

I knock on the door, and a drowsy Mayor opens the door, still in his robes. ''Oh, Katniss,'' he says surprised. ''I'm sorry dear, I had a day off.. Come in! Madge is still asleep. Can I offer you something to drink?'' he asks me politely with kind eyes. I shake my head and dismiss his offer. ''No thank you Mayor Undersee. I'll just go check on Madge, maybe wake her up,'' I say. He nods and I'm off.

The stairs creek beneath my feet, even though I'm walking ever so lightly. I don't bother knocking, and immediately go inside, softly closing the door behind me.

Madge is still sound asleep, laying with her back to the wall, her blonde hair framing her fresh face.

She looks very at peace, even more beautiful. More.. Angelic. I sit down on her bed, trying my hardest not to wake her, and I stroke a strain of hair out of her face, feeling het soft skin beneath my fingertips.

She lays so still and she is breathing ever so softly, I can't help but bend over and kiss her tender face. I sit back up again when her eyes flutter open like the wings of a butterfly. Her pretty blue ones find mine, and.. I can't help but think of all the tears she has probably shed over me with those eyes.

The edges of her mouth curl up when she sees me. She takes my hand in hers, bringing the back of it to her mouth, giving it a gentle squeeze and kiss. We stay quiet for a while, when she scoots over, patting her bed, as a sign for me to lay down beside her.

I pull the blankets up and crawl under it, immediately hit with the heat of her body, pressed close to mine. We're still holding hands, and I turn my head to look at her, only to discover she is already looking at me.

I settle my forehead against hers, closing my eyes for a brief moment. ''I'm sorry,'' I breath soft and silently. I can feel her nod against my head. ''Me too,'' she replies. Silence falls again, but it is a pleasant one, like always.

After a while Madge rolls on her side and curls up next to me, burying her face in the crease of my neck. I sigh as pull her shirt up and start tracing patterns on her back. Her bare legs entwine with mine, and her arm sneaks around my waist.

The weather outside suddenly changes, and it start raining. Soft at first, but all of the sudden it seems like a storm.

She looks up to me, but we both remain quiet as our eyes meet. I try to find a hint of distance, hurt, signs of a wall, but all I seem to find is love and tenderness. And all I can hope is that my eyes tell her the same. She strokes my cheek and smiles, before kissing my cheek ever so lightly.

The spot where she kissed me is tingling and I'm left with a wonderful and beautiful sensation. An amazing feeling, only Madge can give me with a single, simple, soft kiss. And in return, I kiss the tip of her nose, cupping one cheek with my hand.

It is.. simply strange, how one person can change your life. And I'm not talking about Peeta. Or President Snow. Or Cinna. Sure, they changed it. Some for the good, some for the worse. But not like Madge, who can make me fall in love all over again with one look, who will make me go through fire if I had to, all for her.

She has touched me in a way I thought was unthinkable. Gale will be there for me, always, I'm sure. We have created a strong bond and connection since we met. But still.. He is like fire. You don't know what to expect, and ready to fight at any time. Madge is more what I need. She has made me feel more safe and comforted than I have ever felt since my father died. She somehow managed to fill a small part of the void he left, together with the void my mom left when she started ignoring me an Prim.

I breath in and blow out softly, making the blonde hairs on top of Madge her head move a bit. ''I love you,'' I whisper. Because this is all I can say. All I can give her. But it is the full and honest truth, and that is all that matters. She looks at me quite startled, before she kisses my lips, softly pulling me towards her. ''And I love you too,'' she whispers back.

And so we lay there for the rest of the day, not bothering to leave the bed. I only stood up quickly to switch from my trousers in to comfortable shorts. The rain ticking on the windows kind of completes the scenery. We snuggle close to each other, stealing glances and kisses. With Madge it feels safe. I feels relaxed. It feels like home.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N** _In answer to one of the review: Yes, I am actually planning on continuing through Catching Fire and Mockingjay!_  
_Please guys, tell me what you all think of it and if you'd like that :)_  
_SONG RECOMMENDATION: Of Monsters and Men - Love Love Love_

13.

The months past swiftly as I get more and more anxious and nervous for the future and what it holds. For me. For us.

''Sweetheart, tea is ready.'' I breath in before stepping out of my room, on my way to the living room. Only when I pass my father's office, I can't help but peek inside. The television is signaling an alert, and suddenly all sorts of images flash on the screen. Images of chaos.

Images, taken at the very start of a rebellion. I gasp and put my hand over my mouth, trying to contain myself, keeping myself from screaming. I take a deep breath, put on a mask and go down the stairs where my parents are waiting for me.

It is very rare that mom gets by for tea. You learn not to count on it too much. I sit down quietly, accepting the cup of tea, giving a stiff smile. ''Now Madge, how are you doing darling? And with the strawberry girl, Katniss?'' It takes me a while to register and understand her question. The 'Strawberry Girl?'' But then I realize that she haven't been out of bed lately, missing practically everything that is between me and Katniss. ''It's okay. She is doing okay,'' I say, looking at my cup. I can feel my father's eyes piercing me.

''Well, I must say she is a bit distant lately, acting very anxious, don't you think?'' she says casually. My eyes shoot up to her, and I can feel my father's hand holding my hands as I start to tremble in anger. ''Well how could she not?'' I ask her coldly. ''She just won the Hunger Games. You know all too well how that makes people act 'strange', mother.''

She looks at me with a shocked expression, when she suddenly gets a vacant expression. ''Madge, I warn you,'' my father says, looking at me with a frown. ''For what?'' I ask. ''You know my life is pretty much damaged and ruined for the future, don't you even dare deny it,'' I spit, my voice unnaturally calm and cold.

His eyes shoot down to the ground, telling me enough. I run up to my room and crawl back in bed, massaging head. A few seconds later I hear my parent's bedroom door slam shut. ''Oh Katniss,'' I whisper quietly, drawing little figures on a velvet pillow. ''How you should know about what is going to happen. How I should be distancing myself from you, but I don't.'' ''And why don't you?''

I shoot up, confused when I see Katniss standing in front of me. ''I came to drop off the strawberries. Now, why should you be distancing yourself from me? And why aren't you doing it?'' I look at her, a little bit hurt because of how bluntly she says it. ''Because this is never going to work.''

I stay quiet for a moment, watching her reaction. ''And you knew all along, didn't you? And you came to tell me something.'' She looks at the ground before she speaks, and then to my window, where the ice flowers have taken up all the space. ''I'm going on a Victory Tour, as you know. So that means I won't see you, and I'll be kissing Peeta a lot.'' I look down at my hands and nod. I had expected it, but I didn't know it would still make me feel so bad.

Katniss sits down next to me on my bed, not daring to look at me. ''You were right, though,'' she says. ''It would be better if you'd just distance yourself.'' I nod and look at my own hands. ''I know, but I can't.'' She looks up to me, confused. ''Why not?'' she asks. ''Because distancing myself would be easier, but it would be more painful. I would grieve every day, every moment I missed to kiss you and hug you and be with you. If I could've chosen to be oblivious of your existence, erase you from my head, god I wouldn't think twice to do it. But it's too late for that, and as for me.. There is no turning back.''

Katniss can't bare looking at me, so I'm left with looking at my empty hands. ''You know I can't undo this,'' Katniss says, her voice hard. I nod.

''Of course I know,'' I mumble.

She takes me hand and puts her head on my shoulder. She starts to shock as tears start streaming down her distressed face. ''I never wanted a-any of this to happen Madge, I didn't. I wish I could turn it all back. I don't want it, and I don't like it.'' I rub her back and kiss the top of her head, in shortage of words since they all seem so unimportant and meaningless.

''How can you love me so much, that you would give up your happiness for me,'' she mumbles quietly. I hold her even tighter. ''Don't say such things,'' I say softly. ''You are making me happy, I'm not giving up anything!'' Katniss buries her face in her hands for a moment, before sitting up straight again, looking at me with desperate eyes. ''Stop it, you know.. You know this isn't going anywhere, that we can't have a future. That is what I was going to tell you. Please, why can't you give up on me? You know I can't love you. President Snow is threatening me. I have to act desperately in love with Peeta, I've got to convince him and whole Panem! Madge.. Please..'' she cries. And I can't help but feel my heart shatter a bit inside.

''Katniss.. You need me..'' I start, cupping her face. ''I won't leave you. Like I told you, there is no turning back for me anymore. I will always love you, I will live in Peeta's shadow if I have to.. But don't, just don't tell me to leave you. I told you I can't, and that is where I stand by.'' I swallow hard before finishing my plead.

''I would rather die myself than leave you now. I love you, Katniss Everdeen. I'm not going to leave you. Why will you start understanding that?'' she shrugs and clears her throat. ''Never, because you are stupid,'' she mutters scowling. I smile and kiss her deeply.


	14. Chapter 14

14.

I take a deep breath as I go to Katniss her house in the Victor's Valley. The door has been left open so I push it open. ''Katniss?'' I call in to the empty house. I have just closed the door when suddenly Prim embraces me tightly. ''Madge!'' she exclaims. ''Hey Primmie, how are you?'' I smile, hugging her back, stroking her hair which is in two braids. ''Good, I missed you,'' she tells me as she lets me go.

I grin and pat her on the head. ''Well I'm here now. Where is your sister?'' I ask, looking around me. Prim, subtle as ever, leads me in to the living room where I sit down on the big comfy couch. ''The woods, and mom is treating someone I believe.'' ''In the evening?'' I ask frowning. Prim just shrugs. ''Whatever they want. Anyway, want something to eat? We got sweets,'' she asks grinning. I laugh and nod. ''Oh hell why not.''

Prim hurries to the kitchen, and a few seconds later she comes back with toffee. I happily take it from her, and together we eat our toffee in front of the grate-fire. I'm just talking to Prim about everything and nothing when the front door slams shut.

Expectantly I sit up, and sink down a few seconds later when Katniss her mother comes in. She smiles when she sees me.  
''Oh Madge! What a pleasant surprise.'' Then she turns to Prim. ''Prim where is Katniss?'' she asks with a worried expression. Prim just shrugs and I can't help but peer out the window.

A few ice cold and heavy seconds later Katniss storms in on her socks with red cheeks and a red glowing nose. ''I'm here, I'm here, no worries.'' She stops dead in her tracks when she sees me and looks at me with a startled, almost comical expression, which makes me and Prim giggle.

''Madge,'' she states. Then she does something I never expected her to do. She drops her empty bag, loses the coat and gloves, and just jumps next to my on the couch, causing me to fall to the side, which ends with her laying on top of me, as she just holds me tightly, as if planning to never let go, nuzzling her head in the crease of my neck. ''Madgie,'' she hums softly.

I smile, a bit embarrassed, with scarlet coloring my cheeks. ''Katniss,'' I laugh, sitting up.  
Katniss does not let me go, not even then. I wrap my arms around her and rest my head on hers.

Then, I look to my side where Prim is sitting in a big chair, and she just has this enormous grin spread over her face, and their mother is leaning in the doorway, arms crossed, with something.. proud and satisfied in her eyes. I clear my throat before nudging Katniss. ''I think we will be descending upstairs,'' I say smiling, as I stand up, taking Katniss her hand.

We walk up the stairs, and when we come to her room, she closes the door and pulls me next to her on bed.

She nuzzles next to me again, burying her head in my neck, her body fully pressed against mine, as if she is afraid any open space will rip open and tear us apart. ''I love you Madge. Stay with me tonight please.'' I frown, playing with her braid. ''But your prep team will come tomorrow morning,'' I say softly. She nods. ''I know.'' She pauses, and then adds; ''And I don't care.'' We stay silent for a while. And to be honest, I don't want to break it.

So we lay there, in utter bliss. After an hour we strip down to our underwear and quickly take place under her blanket, where she lays next to me again, as I untangle her braid, and start stroking it.

Katniss her fingers find mine, and she entwines them. Her warm breath tickles my neck, and her feet play with mine.  
Her touch gives me goose bumps, and her kisses make my skin tingle.

A warmth spreads from my heart, and a million butterflies seem to be fluttering around in my belly. And, I swear to god, if a heart could burst.. mine would've already did. ''Katniss,'' I whisper. ''Hm?'' she purrs as she looks up to me.

I let go of her hand and cup one half of her face with my hand, stroking her cheek with my thumb. A goofy smile breaks through, and Katniss grins back. ''What is it?'' she laughs. I shake my head and kiss her soft, full lips. ''Nothing. I just.. I really like you,'' I tell her grinning. Katniss pulls me even closer to her. ''Good,'' she murmurs as she buries her face in my neck again.

I could ask her.. Just, ask her. Not even the real big question, just a little one. Okay, maybe not that little.

''Katniss,'' I mumble again. She looks up once more, her grey eyes piercing my blues. ''If things were.. Different..'' I clear my throat, because it feels like a lump has formed in it. ''Would you marry me?'' the question has left my mouth before I can stop it.

Her eyes widen in shock as she realizes what I have asked her.

''Forget it,'' I say hastily. ''Stupid question,'' I mumble as I try and pull her back, only this time she is the one to push me back.

''Marry you?'' she whispers softly. I take a deep breath and nod. Yes. ''Yes,'' I say again out loud. Her eyes flutter down for a moment, looking at our hands that have entwined again. ''Marry.. you?'' she asks again.

Now, this is making me a bit uncomfortable. ''Yes,'' I repeat. ''Yes,'' she then replies, and I believe my heart has exploded. ''Wait.. what did you just say, Katniss Everdeen?'' I ask grinning, while the butterflies in my belly are roaming freely, trying to burst out. Just like my heart, which is pounding like a maniac.

Katniss then grins too and pulls me back to her, her arms around my waist, my hands cupping her face. ''I said yes. I would marry you, Madge Undersee. And I'd happily make you Madge Everdeen,'' she retorted. ''Not if you become Katniss Undersee,'' I laugh. We stay silent for a moment, taking each other in, bathing in this moment of happiness.

''Yes, I would marry you, Madge Undersee,'' she whispers as she slowly drifts off to sleep. And I fall asleep, soundlessly, happier than I had been in months.

**A/N _AHHH big suprise! I owed you guys one after such a long break. Review, let me now what you think! Victory Tour up next!_**


End file.
